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Leave YOUR game here, and I'LL review it! (The Crigence Critique)



  • edited February 2019
    (Note: Yep, i'm using the Angry Video Game Nerd style again! Because i just got another really bad game, so, once again, this one's going to be REALLY vulgar! Don't read if you don't like that kind of stuff! And remember: This entire review is just my opinion!)

    Goddamn it another shitty game! Well, looks like i'm gonna have to bring out my Angry Video Game Nerd style again! Anyway, here's my fucking notes:


    -Listen: The reason the logo pulsing in the menu worked for Starblast is because it fit the relaxing tone of the game. This shit however...
    -Lazy main menu
    -Really!?! Fucking megalovania!? C'mon, at least TRY to be original!
    -Are the flashing lights REALLY necessary? (I know you can turn them off, it's just they have no reason to be there anyway!)
    -This game takes itself WAY too seriously. It thinks that the game is awesome enough to match the song but it's actually one of THE most boring games I've ever played! There's no skill required here!
    -The game gives me no reason to care if i die.
    -Shitty sprites
    -Darth Vader? What the fuck? Am i hi or something?
    -This game is SO lazily made that if you just cling on to the wall and jump off the enemies heads as they start piling up: You can exit the map like i did!

    --This game looks AND plays like a sequel to Castle Defense! (THE shittiest game I've ever covered on this discussion!)


    Wait... What if this game has a deeper meaning!?! Castle Defense is the worst game i've ever played *gasp* Castle! Every castle needs a king, and what is this game the king of? Shit! Shit comes from the ass, and the ass requires food to make shit- *gasp x2* FOOD! The earliest known food we ever made was flour, and as we all know flour looks like cocaine, and according to that one viral video "Cocaine ruin your brain" *gasp x3* RUIN! This game is so bad it ruined my opinion of Flowlab! Flowlab hosts The Crigence Critique, where i'm currently covering a shitty game-

    Oh, the deeper meaning is: This game is shit.

    Scores (Scale of 1/5)

    Visuals - 1.5
    Sound - 4.5
    Controls - 2
    Stability - 4.5

    Final Score: 2/5.
    It's STILL better than Castle Defense.

    There's no saving it, you might as well scrap it... Wait didn't i say this before? ~Crigence
  • For the record no i never got a response from @meburningslime so i just said "Screw it!" and published it anyway!
  • Page 9, thought :lol: This discussion got really big @Crigence .
  • @Crigence Hey, I've submitted my game ( once before, but it got lost in the sea of comments so I'm submitting it again. If you are too busy to review it or just haven't gotten around to it I understand and I will wait to see what you have to say!
  • edited February 2019
    First of all: I've already seen your comment AND your submission to my website and its been on my list for a while!

    Second of all: Your review was (Coincidentally) ALREADY next! It should be out by tomorrow!

    I've just made a BIG new addition to the website:

    You can now submit your own customizable reviews to the website in my format! It's called the "Create" feature and it can be found under the new section "Interactions" on the website!

    I'm currently only taking submissions but the page(s?) for the public to be able to read them should be available soon! Thanks for reading this announcement and i hope to see more community made reviews come out of this!

    The link is right here:

  • IDK man, Kingdom siege seemed decent other than the epilepsy, unless I had an epileptic attack and dreamed of a better game
  • @Crigence Oh, sorry for flooding your inbox then! I just didn't know you had seen it. Maybe I should learn to be more patient!
  • edited February 2019
    Well, here it is as promised! And here's my notes:

    +This feels a LOT like Starblast! (Not the worst game to take inspiration from)
    +I just gotta swear here: I LOVE this main-menu! The satisfying clicking noise when you scroll over buttons, the fact it actually changes color (Something i hope to see in more games!) everything about it is great!
    +The story is REALLY stupid and i love it!
    +Taking down a line of pepperonis is REALLY satisfying! (That's probably the only time your gonna read something like THAT in your whole life...)
    +Does the game-over message change depending on what score you got? That's brilliant!
    +"All your pizza are belong to us" *slow clap*

    -Default main-menu music! C'mon, you're better than this!
    -The lack of music in-game is kind of... Lazy! What!?! Everything else was so good!
    -What are the red and blue canisters supposed to be? Can you give them a REAL name?
    -The main menu is kinda weirdly laid out!
    -Please make it so you can enter a god mode cheat code at the options menu by pressing "Up, up, down, down, left right, left right, space" in that order!


    This definitely is one of the most charming games on Flowlab! It feels like one of those games a show like Futurama would put in a generic arcade, but you're actually playing it! Speaking of which: This game did an AMAZING job feeling like a arcade game!

    Scores (Scale of 1/5)

    Visuals - 4
    Sound - 2
    Controls - 3
    Stability - 5

    Final Score: 4/5.
    "Space, it goes on forever. And then you get to the end and a giant monkey starts throwing pizzas at you!" ~Fry

    I'd say the game is almost perfect as it is! Just maybe add more game-over quotes and it's golden! ~Crigence
  • @BitWit

    I just made the cheat code... Code for you! Unless you want to use your own system (I wouldn't mind as my system is very rough!) here's mine:
  • @MagmaDude100
    Despite your recent string of snarky comments (Or at least that's how they looked) i still re-reviewed the game! And i decided to use the old Crigence Critique style too! Here's my notes:

    +Nice! You animated the water!
    +The main menu gear from before now says help! I don't like how it's in a black box, though. That's kind of unnecessary!
    +The trees are now more detailed and it actually says what your objective is!
    +There is now a brand-new zombie death animation! Nice!
    +There are now doors at the dock! Good job helping us figure out what we need to do!
    +You removed those bad memes! Thank you!
    +You can now access the desert without cheating!
    +The zombie that throws pans(?) at you is actually a welcome addition!

    -I know i said i wanted more zombie types, and he DID deliver! But, a giant Elvis zombie...
    -The transition to the desert is just... Lazy.
    -Why are there random chairs in the desert?
    -Nevermind, you just HAD to keep Ugandan knuckles didn't you? (Make it so you can kill him and I'll be happy!)
    -You should add a evil path, where you kill the survivors instead of saving them >:D

    Honestly this seems like it's be a pretty interesting adventure game if it was finished! If you agree with me, i highly suggest checking out the creators Patreon! But, until than, i got some ideas for how he could save space and expand the game:

    -You already have water, why not make a level where you're on a massive ship or something else water based?
    -Get rid of Ugandan Knuckles, he wasn't funny to begin with.
    -Do what i did with Old Super Mario Bros. and use animations on blocks that have a similar purpose (Like the tree and the cactus, or maybe even the medkit and the apple!) to save on space AND make it look different!

    Do ALL that and you SHOULD be able to squeeze a level or 2 out before you run out of objects again!

    Scores (Scale of 1/5)

    Graphics - 3.5 (The Atari graphics have really grown on me!)
    Music - 2 (Yes, i know he's STILL using the free version of Flowlab.)
    Controls - 3
    Stability - 4.5

    Final Score: 4/5.
    Much better!

    Just follow my tips and add more content to the game! ~Crigence
  • @MagmaDude100
    I also made a example as to what you could make that Level 3 i purposed look like! You don't have to use it, it's just to help you imagine it: 3.png?dl=0

    I also suggest making it so the story ends with you either finding the captain of the ship on the ship and then you sailing away! Or, if you went down the evil path and killed all the survivors: You try to pilot the ship yourself and crash! That'd be a fitting end!

    We are currently neck-and-neck with "I'm back! And with a new feature: Online multiplayer!" since now we BOTH have 2k views!

    If we can get this discussion up to 2.1k views (Assuming THAT discussion doesn't suddenly spike up!) we will officially be the 2nd most viewed discussion on Flowlab! This should be easy!
  • @Crigence I really like your Konami code idea! In the information menu (the one with the keyboard) Input with the arrow keys UP, UP, DOWN, DOWN, LEFT, RIGHT, LEFT, RIGHT, B, A and finally hit ENTER. After doing this you might find something in the corner of your screen. ;D
  • edited February 2019
    It has definitely earned the praise it got! Here's my notes:

    +If this game is supposed to feel EXTREMELY eerie (Which I'm starting to think is intentional) it did an AMAZING job!
    +I'm not sure if this is intentional, but my first instinct when i saw the enemy was to click it DESPITE THE FACT nothing was telling me to do so!
    +I like the inventory system and i really wish more games would use it!
    +Okay, i knew how he did the map when i saw it but i still REALLY appreciate it being there!
    +The feeling of getting that key and using the map to navigate out was definitely one of the most satisfying feelings i ever got from a Flowlab game!
    ++"2018-2019" YOU WORKED ON THIS GAME FOR OVER A YEAR!?!?!

    -I'm not sure if this was intended or not, but the main menu feels kind of... Eerie. I can't explain why either.
    -"Press start" You know keyboards don't have start buttons right?
    -The player and end-gate sprite looks rather low quality (Oh well, at least i can tell what they are!
    -I was playing this game with no sound (I broke my audio jack!) and there was no way for me to tell when the enemies were gonna shoot! Add a visual indicator!
    -You should make it so you can click inventory items to use them or activate and deactivate them! (Maybe there could be a puzzle which involves the lights having to be off?)
    -"Beware, lead it towards the explosives" Yeah that eerie feeling from earlier suddenly came back...
    -Why is there a bone outside the map?

    only one feeling
    bone outside

    I honestly didn't want to bash this game, and the mere fact this game took 1 whole year to make is part of the reason why! It's like Leonardo Da Vinci sending you the Mona Lisa to review and then you shitting all over it! I can tell a TON of effort went into this and i'm happy to be reviewing it and maybe convincing those who read my reviews to see which games to play to also play it! (I know you're out there and i appreciate you!)

    Scores (Scale of 1/5)

    Graphics - 3.5
    Music - 3 (I broke my audio jack so i just defaulted to giving it a 3, i'll edit this to give a different score when i do fix that issue or hear the music!)
    Controls - 3.5
    Stability - 4.5

    Final Score: 4/5.
    1 whole year of effort STILL impresses me!

    Please, please, PLEASE add checkpoints and instant respawn (i can help you with that if you want!) ~Crigence
  • I.. Loved... That... Game... Too.... @Crigence ....

    Great work @SomeGuy542 !
  • Ya know I've also spent almost an entire year (I think) on Survive the Zamboodle, like a month or two after I got my account I started work on it.
  • edited February 2019
    Wow thanks for ruining my 2 year project.

    All the bosses were reccommended from other flowlab users! And you can turn off the flashing lights! AND I didn't WANT original music! You suck!

    Oh and ps the last person that cussed that much got banned @grazer.
  • edited February 2019
    Your favorite game from Learning Acrobatics With Knifes Studios (L.A.W.K.S).
    W, Space bar, Or up arrow, to jump.
    R to restart level. (If you get stuck then it automatically after awhile, but you should just press R)
    On the main menu there is a icon in the top left to reset your save, top right to go to shop.
    Click your character to go to the main menu.
    there's only 6 levels at the moment.
    (I know this is just a copy and paste from my original post)
  • edited February 2019
    I skipped over yours accidentally. Here's my notes:

    +That is a very... Unique way to display health!
    ++I checked the editor and it says that the enemies are "Poisoned crew" members! So it's a zombie outbreak on a boat? That's a cool premise!

    -It looks like I'm a guy in a gas-mask shooting Simpson styled uranium at my enemies!
    -Winning is WAY too easy!
    -The player controls more like a car than a actual person!
    -The player turns too slowly!
    --This game is INCREDIBLY short! (Yes i know it was made in an hour but it's still a negative)


    This games seems like it'd be a pretty fun game to play if there was just more strategy involved and more rooms (Like maybe the boiler room of the boat?) Kinda like Party Hard! Also the fact there are so few notes is because there's about nothing else to talk about!

    Scores (Scale of 1/5)

    Graphics - 2.5
    Music - 3 (I still haven't fixed my audio so i defaulted to a 3)
    Controls - 2
    Stability - 5

    Final Score: 3/5.
    Take some more inspiration from Party Hard!

    More content please! ~Crigence
  • edited February 2019
    Okee! Thanks. Also, sorry for the outburst on Kingdom Siege, although I do believe it's better than 2/5. I will update it! Just a reminder: do you re-review games if we update them? Thanks again!
    EDIT: Yes, a zombie outbreak. Um... a boat? Kinda. More like a space boat? (You get it?...)
  • @BitWit i didnt read the whole story, but I get the reference... GG!
    (PS It's actually A B.)
  • edited February 2019
    Yeah, i will admit it probably didn't deserve such a harsh review (Still it could've been worse, remember: Castle Defense got a 1.5)! And also yes i DO re-review games basically any time someone wants it!

    (OHHHH, you mean't SPACEship! I get it!)
  • edited February 2019
    So @Crigence I don’t want you to re-review SB3 just yet, because I’m still working my ass off, but if you’d like, you can factor in the new and improved shop, Multiplier mechanic, and the cores mechanic!
  • edited February 2019
    @Crigence yep...

    And this game is supposed to be cartoony and easy, somewhat. Thanks!
    Oh, and do the hasmat suits make more sense now????
  • Hey everyone, i don't know if it's been showing: But i've recently been doing my best to make my reviews as good as possible for everyone! And, well i decided to take some help from my competitors!

    Currently all my competitors (At least the successful ones, no offense!) have one thing in common and it's that they fix all my major faults or add something that should already be there! Here's a list of gimmics i've seen and if or how i'm going to be adding them:

    -Bored Reviews: Politeness and favoriting games! I've actually already started doing BOTH of these! If you check my description i now favorite games i review as it's an easy-to-do bonus! As for being more polite: I basically let it all out on Kingdom Siege before i started and i should be good!... For another 10 games or so...

    -Sublime Slime: Difficulty score! Now i looked at this and thought "Wow, that's brilliant!" and i still am considering adding it! But there's 2 major flaws: 1 is that is i judged EVERY game by it's difficulty: Johnny and Insanity Parkour would both get 5/5s! And secondly: He ruined the deal by making those who submit their games SAY HOW HARD IT SHOULD BE! I try to make submitting games as easy as possible and adding that extra step seems like it'd turn some people off!

    -The Magma Manifesto:... It's a watered down, easier to produce Crigence Critique? Well, i guess it's gimmick is that it produces reviews faster? Well, for those who are going to these reviewers because they're faster. remember: The Crigence Critique is H I G H Q U A L I T Y.

    -Game Review!: Pros and cons! I kind of like the idea of pros and cons and i feel like they COULD be used to make a unique noting system: But he literally uses them EXACTLY like positive and negative notes! If you want to see a example of pros and cons done RIGHT: Check out The Crigence Critique: Website Critique (Shameless plug)!

    -Game review!:It's my Angry Video Game Nerd style but used 24/7 and it's much more cheap... Yeah it's no wonder why this review discussion crashed and burned quickly. Well at least i know what to do the OPPOSITE of!

    So that was me taking a look at my ENTIRE competition and seeing what i can learn from! The only one who had ideas i actually wanted to implement was @rcreger but i WILL introduce a difficulty score to my reviews if enough people want it! Thanks for reading ~Crigence
  • edited February 2019
    Were you asking for me to review Stick Adventure or were you just asking me to play it?
  • Hi @Crigence Here's Intestinal Fortitude for your reviewing pleasure. Thanks! :)
  • I was just asking, as I want to update some stuff and then let you try it out again.
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